This week’s teenage diary is like an episode of Eastenders… Doof Doof, Duff Duff Duff, Da Da Da Da (or however the drum beat goes!). It’s got it all going on his week. Why does everyone fancy Gary? How did Sheila dance to ‘Shoop’ with Percy when she was at Take That concert with me? And why the hell did I want a mouse!?!?!?
It’s time for more antics from this week’s teenage diary!
Saturday 24th September
I’m so knackered after last night. I can’t believe it’s all over, I’m so depressed. It was the best night of my life. I love Mark Owen, he’s gorgeous. I got back home at about half past four. Got all the gossip about the party yesterday. Apparently Twigs fancies Denise and he told her, but I don’t know whether she fancies him. Percy didn’t go in the end, which is a bit of a relief because at least it meant he didn’t get off with anyone. Claudia and Sheila had a bet that he’d get off with Denise. Sheila had a bet he would, what a cow. I also put together all of Claudia’s hints and I think Sheila dirty danced with him to ‘Shoop’. What a bitch.
Sunday 25th September
Timothy phoned at about 3pm asking me to go over to his house because Sheila, Raymond, Gary and Percy were over there. It was OK I guess but it was a bit awkward at first because no one knew what to say. After a while Percy started flicking an elastic band at me and it really hurt. He started chasing me in the garden, which I guess was alright but in a way I had to run else I’d have got hurt. Raymond fancies Sheila so badly, the thing is she can’t stand him. I personally reckons she fancies Gary and I’ve got a suspicion he fancies her. In a way I don’t want them to get together.
Monday 26th September
I was told two bits of really juicy gossip today and what’s more is that they are both true. Petunia is going out with Timothy. Sad but true. Timothy could do better, I mean he’s actually really nice. Only as a friend mind you. When I was drunk he was really kind to me and I suppose it was him really that stopped me from crying. He bought her a teddy bear. Fact two, it was revealed that Nadine fancies Gary. The thing was, that Noreen found out, and if she knows, everybody knows. Even though I feel sorry for Nadine I still hate her because she seems to have it in for me really badly.
Tuesday 27th September
I reckon Claudia fancies Gary now as well. Christ everybody likes him. Even I find him quite attractive. Timothy has split up with Petunia already. He told her it would be better if they were just friends and she started crying, which was a bit of an over reaction seeing as she was going to break up with him tomorrow. Wonder of wonders Mum said that I can have a mouse. I can’t wait, but I might still have a hamster depending on which is the cutest. Went down the park with Denise, Sheila, Mary and Timothy. John was down there with his mates and even though it took a while we ended up talking with them.
Wednesday 28th September
I’m getting so fucking slack with this diary. I really hate it because I wait about three days in between every writing and so I can never remember what happened. We went down the field again, this time without Mary. And even though John and his group were down there, they didn’t really talk to us. We’re probably going to have another party over the weekend but we can’t have it at Timothy’s house as his relatives are coming down. Bernadette is spending a lot of time with Percy recently and there are rumours going around that she fancies him and he’s asked her out but she can’t make her mind up. What a prime bitch.
Thursday 29th September
I was told some really shocking news tonight. You know that Wilfred is in hospital due to a back injury from rugby? Well he had an x-ray yesterday. He had a small blood clot on the side of his neck which was stopping the blood from getting to the brain. This caused him to have a minor stroke and now he can’t feel all down his left side and he’s been told he won’t be able to play rugby again. I’m going to have to tell everyone tomorrow because no one knows. We don’t come high on the list of people to be told, mind you it should have been up to us to phone up and see how he was.
Friday 30th September
Mum has now decided that I can’t have a mouse, because I don’t look after the other animals that I’ve got. What a cow. Even Dad said I could have one. Petunia heard about Wilfred at school and started crying so I told Mr Lamb and he told me to find out from the office if it was true. Obviously it was. I went back to tell Mr Lamb and I really thought he was going to cry because he went all red and took his glasses off. We’ve decided to collect some money and buy him a present. Probably some comedy videos.
*names have been changed to protect the not so innocent
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Becky Stafferton is a full time blogger over on her website The Art of Healthy Living, mum of 2 and certified Queen of the hashtags. She continually strives to promote a realistic, sustainable and positive image of how to lead a healthy life. When she’s not writing she can be found swigging Prosecco from the bottle, running through muddy puddles, making lists of lists, having a good old moan, scoffing flapjacks and squatting like her life depends on it.
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