Sorry this one’s a week later than usual, but it seems just as I had a crappy highly charged emotional week last week in 2020, according to my teenage diary I had exactly the same kind of week in 1994.
When I first started sharing extracts from my teenage diary I knew that there were two things that made me feel slightly uneasy about sharing. And I’ll be 100% honest and tell you I really had to question whether I had the strength to include them – I mean it would have been easy to leave bits out, ‘cos you’d never know right? But that’s not what this is about for me. This is about me keeping an accurate record of my teenage years, partly for nostalgia and partly to help me navigate my own kids through the tricky teenage years with hopefully an ounce of understanding, and I guess also to help confront some of these issues from my past and throw of any shame that might still be lurking.
So yeah, one of those things comes up in this week’s teenage diary extracts…
Self harm wasn’t a huge part of my teenage life. It didn’t completely consume my life, I didn’t end up in hospital, I only did it on a few occasions, and to my knowledge I hid it relatively well. A few of the girls I knew at the time were doing it, not that that excuses it of course, but somehow it normalized it; made it feel as though that was the right outlet. I was an intelligent kid, I knew it was stupid, I knew I shouldn’t have done it; that wasn’t enough to stop me, but it was enough to stop me taking it too far. One day I’ll probably write a blog post all about it, but for now it feels enough to be putting it out there in this small, but brave step forward. I still feel ashamed about it now and I definitely wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about it face to face with someone, this is enough for now.
Saturday 11th June
Staying at Sheila’s house tonight, which should be quite good because we’re watching House III the video Timothy lent me. Tonight’s the night of Bernadette’s party. The only two likely people that Percy might have got off with is Daisy or Noreen. I’m not sure whether Daisy’s going or not, so I just hope he doesn’t get off with Noreen because I really can’t stand her, she is such a bitch. Went into Chippenham and I bought three tops for £18 because they were all reduced so I was really happy. I also had a major spot tragedy so I had to buy some emergency treatments. The main reason for going in was to get books for coursework. I’ve got so much it’s amazing.
Sunday 12th June
Today was boring but then so is every day of my life. In fact the highlight of my day was doing Technology coursework which just shows you the sad kind of person I am. I’m not too sure whether having Sheila living in the village is going to be as good as I first thought it would be. OK so I’ve been able to let her know that I fancy Percy, but big deal. In some ways it’s made my life harder. I don’t know how to act around Percy because I can feel her watching me and I’m sure that in her head she’s secretly taking the piss out of me. I don’t know, maybe she doesn’t want me to fancy him.
Monday 13th June
Today was the most shittest day of my life. For starters I was kindly informed by Sheila that at Bernadette’s party Percy got off with Carolina and bitch of all bitches Marigold. Tonight Percy and Tommy called round and we called for Sheila, Claudia and Wilfred. It started off OK I guess, but then everyone went off ahead on bikes leaving me with Tommy. I mean there’s nothing wrong with that because I had a really good conversation with him, but the fact Sheila went ahead with Percy really jipped me. She didn’t utter more than a sentence to me, which just goes to show what a good friend she really is. What a prime bitch.
Tuesday 14th June
I cleared the air today by asking what was wrong and it turned out there wasn’t anything wrong. I was so depressed last night I slashed my arms with scissors. I really regret it now, because I had to lie and tell everyone I fell off my bike and scraped it against a wall. Percy thought Claudia and Sheila were talking about me yesterday, but he was on my side by saying he was going to tell me. Apparently, Raymond’s having a tent party on Friday and Percy has invited me and Sheila. I’d love to go except he’s invited Marigold and Bernadette I think, and just imagine the pain of going and seeing Percy getting off with Marigold.
Wednesday 15th June
I’ve semi given up on Percy because it’s so obvious that he fancies Marigold and he wants to get off with her again at this party. He knows I don’t like her and said it was immature that I didn’t want to go to this party because I didn’t like Bernadette or Marigold. He just doesn’t understand. All the other people that are going I don’t even talk to let alone get on with. Anyway seeing Marigold get friendly with Percy is not my idea of a good time. I’d actually rather go to Grandad’s. I might as well give up. If he fancied me he would’ve got off with me like Marigold so it looks like I’ve been leading myself on too much. Life sucks.
Thursday 16th June
I came second in the javelin, which I’m really pleased with. I got 15.03m while Nadine got 15.2m so I was only 17cm off. I also got an A for my Biology test and he told me that my mark was second highest in the class. I asked Percy whether he was in a mood with me for not going to this party, because he was in the computer room and he seemed to be ignoring me. He said, “yes, you bitch”. So I told him I hated him and vice versa. He can apologise or speak to me first because I feel he is in the wrong. How dare he call me a bitch just for not wanting to go to the party. If we were all like him god knows what would happen to this world.
Friday 17th June
No girls are going to Percy’s party now. Ha ha serves him right. I haven’t spoken to him all day, that will teach him for calling me a bitch. OK maybe I still do fancy him a little bit but I will not let anyone get away with treating me like dirt however much I fancy them. I was going to go on a bike ride with Claudia and Sheila but I didn’t really feel like it so stayed in to do homework. Then Mary, Timothy and Wilfred called round and said that you could get in without paying in the pudding club so I went over there with them. It was quite funny because Mrs Moseling was there.
Tune in next week for more 1994 action teenage diary fans!
*names have been changed to protect the not so innocent
Did you miss last week’s 1994 Teenage Diary?
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Then check out my month by month 1993 Diary!
You can read June here – https://artofhealthyliving.com/monthly-confessions-from-teenage-diary-june-1993/
Becky Stafferton is a full time blogger over on her website The Art of Healthy Living, mum of 2 and certified Queen of the hashtags. She continually strives to promote a realistic, sustainable and positive image of how to lead a healthy life. When she’s not writing she can be found swigging Prosecco from the bottle, running through muddy puddles, making lists of lists, having a good old moan, scoffing flapjacks and squatting like her life depends on it.
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